When cheating happens in a relationship, everyone knows it’s bad. But then, why do we do it? Why is it that, no matter how many articles and books have been written about it (including mine), it still happens?
I admit, I don’t entirely know the best answer.
Still, that doesn’t mean everyone should just give up. That would be like saying we should give up on knowing about laws and just break ‘em because, hey, people commit crimes all the time!
The best we can do is learn the surest facts, avoid making the most common mistakes, and keep working on our relationships.
With that said, there are definitely one too many lists of “Top X Reasons Why Cheaters Cheat” out there. The information they share is well-cited and helpful, but sometimes it makes it hard to be sure about what the wider consensus is.
So to help with that, I’ve shortlisted the most common reasons for all of them. Consider these as starting bases that need covering so that ‘usual reasons’ don’t trip up your special relationship.
1. Sexual Needs
Let’s start with the reason that gets most people buzzing: sex.
According to one investigation cited in Psychology Today, about 32% of its participants admitted to having affairs because of sexual desires. Out of this 32%, a majority have been men.
Sadly, this isn’t anything new. Handling sexual desire is a challenge in any relationship, regardless of whether or not you’re active with your partner. Besides cheating, it can even be a doorway to abuse if not handled properly.
If there is a lack of sexual satisfaction in your relationship, then it is highly recommended to uncover what those reasons are with your partner. Counseling is definitely a big help here.
Alternatively, if you are abstaining from sex for various reasons, counseling is still recommended. It is important to continue framing your expectations with each other and your relationship before the worst happens.
2. Lack of Commitment
Lack of commitment is another usual suspect, but that also means the answer to it is really straightforward.
We’ve all seen how the boys act when they hear this C-word. That doesn’t mean you should avoid talking about it at all. That’s exactly what would make cheating easier.
Of course, there are definitely a lot of complications behind a person’s commitment issues. That’s why knowing when and how to talk about it can be a good milestone for your relationship. It is how you both will better understand each other’s needs (and how that affects your expectations). It also lays down where the boundaries are.
At the very least, if your man keeps avoiding this Talk, then that might as well be your sign.
Everyone knows that if your partner is bored in a relationship, that’s another bad sign. The problem though is that it often ends up with either you blaming yourself or trying something out of the blue without even consulting the other party.
What you need to first realize is that the fuzzy feelings you felt when you met are meant to fizzle out. It’s a sign that you need real love to fill in the void of those hormones.
Feeling this way in a relationship is also a sign of unresolved problems. These problems could be related to the previously mentioned reasons. It could also be about something else.
In any case, don’t be afraid to talk about this with your partner. Cheating is easier when they keep on thinking you don’t notice the boredom.
4. Lack of Self Esteem
Lastly, one can never underestimate the lack of self-esteem in a partner.
That doesn’t make it a good excuse. In fact, that’s exactly what makes it bad. A partner’s lack of confidence leads to a lack of confidence in the relationship.
The good news though is that it doesn’t automatically mean they’ll be cheating the next day. You can still help them. One of the lamest ways that lack of self-esteem becomes the cheating excuse is that somebody (probably some bro) told a boy they’d be a man if they had a side chick.
If you don’t want that to happen, then knowing when to help with a partner’s lack of self-esteem is a priority. I know a lot of people say that you can’t ‘fix’ someone like that, but there is nothing wrong with giving support all the same.